I’ve decided to tease out my fanfics on Friday (barring any new book announcements, of course). Today, I’ll give you a taste of a story I wrote as part of my Memory Keeper Series of Fanfiction for Once Upon A Time.
In this story, we see Killian Jones telling his children Meriel (age 8) and Finn (age 6) a rather grisly bedtime story, much to the consternation of their mother, Emma…
“And so, Miss Muffet had me tied down to a tuffet -”
“What’s a tuffet, Papa?” Meriel asked.
“Well, it’s a sort of a footstool,” Killian answered. “But poofy.”
“How were you tied down to a footstool?” Finn asked. “She would have to loop the rope around and it’s not like there are armrests or anything.”
“You know, for six, you are remarkably bright,” Killian said, tapping his son on the nose.
“So am I,” Meriel said from the neighboring bed, not to be outdone by her younger brother. “Kai says I’m smart.”
“No, you’re clever. Clever’s better.” Her father said, eyeing her shrewdly. “Now, can I finish the story, please?”
Finn re-settled himself amongst the pillows and gave a nod. “So you drank too much rum and Miss Muffet tied you down to a big, poofy footstool -”
“What are you telling these kids?” Emma’s voice interrupted from the doorway. “I don’t think we need to be filling them in on your drunken escapades,” she said, taking a seat at the foot of Meriel’s bed.
“It’s a thrilling tale,” Killian said, raising an eyebrow. “And quite suitable for children, if you’ll let me finish.”
“I’m all ears,” Emma said with a smirk.
“Very well, then,” Killian continued. “I was secured to the tuffet by the sticky, sinuous threads of Miss Muffets giant, killer arachnids -”
“What’s an arachnid?” Meriel interrupted again.
“Spiders,” Killian said, widening his eyes and waggling his brows. “Huge, hairy spiders with pincers that could snap a man’s head from his shoulders…”
“This is suitable for children?” Emma asked, completely dismayed.
“Go on Papa!” Meriel squealed.
“Yeah!” Finn agreed. “I want to hear more!”
“You’ll give them nightmares.” Emma protested.
“I never have nightmares,” Meriel said. “Never ever.”
“Let him finish,” Finn beseeched.
Emma let out a sigh. “Go on,” she said, gesturing grandly. “Wouldn’t want to deprive your audience.”
“Now then…where was I?”
“Spiders!” both children screamed in unison.
“Ah, yes…spiders. They were coming at me, and Miss Muffet was sitting there, eating her curds and whey, just waiting for them to finish me off, when suddenly, my hook started to glow.”
“Really?” Finn sat up, leaning forward.
Killian’s eyes sparkled as he warmed to his tale. “It was the venom, you see. It had magical properties, that would imbue any instrument of death with incredible powers.”
Emma gave him a look.
“Yes, well…” Killian rubbed his ear uncomfortably. “And since my hook theoretically could be used to…uh…hurt someone, it qualified.”
“It glowed?” Finn’s eyes were wide.
“And flashed!” Killian said with great relish. “Like lightning, it was, arcing off my hook and frying the spiders where they stood. Their screeching was terrible, and the smell of their charred fur -”
“They had fur?” Meriel sat up in her bed as well.
“Were you not listening when I said that they were hairy?” Killian asked. “Yes, they had fur. And with my super-powerful lightning-wielding hook of death, I fought them off, two…three…dozens at a time!”
He faltered a moment, catching his wife’s smirk out of the corner of his eye. “Well, there were at least a half-dozen of them,” he amended. “And once they were gone, I realized that Miss Muffet was on the run, and still carrying the sack full of jewels that rightfully belonged to me.”
“You won them from her fair and square,” Meriel said, nodding her head.
“With loaded dice,” Finn added. “But they were your loaded dice, so she should have known better.”
“Exactly,” Killian said, pointing his finger at his son. “It was her folly for trusting a pirate to begin with. I caught up with her at the footbridge that led to a farm, owned by an old nemesis of mine, a man named MacDonald….”
Britt DeLaney 